i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
