Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
