Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
