Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
