It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
