He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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