i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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