So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
