Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
