I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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