Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
