so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
