I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
