garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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