I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
