then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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