my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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