I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
