i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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