you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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