So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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