What did we do last night that was yellow?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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