Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
