come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
