im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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