I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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