i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
