if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
