Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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