did you get engaged???
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
