If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
