im about as happy as oj after his trial
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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