i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
