the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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