What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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