o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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