im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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