What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
