So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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