I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
