wrigley field is MILF paradise
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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