you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
