I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
