Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
