how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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