Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
