plz talk dirty to me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
