is your mom at the bar?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
