worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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