My underwear smells like fireworks.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
