Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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