her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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