He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
