i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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