so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
