just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
