I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
someone owes me an orgasm
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
