I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
