covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
