i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
