If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize