she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
