Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
