Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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