HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
