Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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