I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
