I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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