3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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