It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
