No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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