i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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