I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
