well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
