btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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