Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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