why didn't you poke me back
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
