i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
