oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
