Got a toothbrush?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
