halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
