you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
