That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
