moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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