in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
