You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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