I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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