Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
