he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
