the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
