So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
