A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
